knock knock, it’s october

Woke up with a migraine, the same of the previous days. Definitely, the change in the weather is not doing me any favours.

The sky was blue outside but it quickly turned back to low clouds and high humidity. I went for grammar as the other mornings and made myself some lunch with a salad. (you can be sure I am chewing these expensive grape tomatoes with a very high level of consciousness)(it doesn’t taste better to do that though)


In the afternoon, after my roommates were in a good enough state to go outside, we went to buy trash cans. I kind of forced the idea because I couldn’t fathom the fact that we were going to live out of plastic bags in the living room for six months. Amazingly, this is how they have all been living so far, but really, I think trash cans are a fabulous invention and we should use the technology we have. So let’s buy these plastic containers with an opening on top that allows you to gently put your trash without having it in the eyes of the world.

The choice was hard. There was like 2 options at best, but we still took the time to stare at them for a while in the shop. My mind was boiling inside, but so be it, let’s stare at the two trash cans and wonder which one we should pick.


Making decisions in Japan is a tough process.


When we finally decided, we went back home and I was kind of caught into to the conversation « what should we eat tonight », shared between my apartment and the one next to us. I understood that they were all very friends and were sometimes cooking together, but so far it looks like any meal opportunity is the chance to gather at 8 and cook. Far away went the idea to have a light dinner and to portion control (because I am terrible in social gatherings, I just keep eating out of anxiety) tonight. I mean, the cooking was fun, except for the fact that it was just my roommate and I cooking in our apartment, and Evelien joined us. Later, the other eaters joined once the dinner was ready.



And I ate a lot. It was very good, but still.



On the menu tonight, Hayashi Rice (a sort of beef meat, onion, red wine and tomato sauce stew) and a sort of Japanese potato salad (with a lot, a lot of mayonnaise). As usual, I finished the evening with an inflated belly and the classical ‘never again’. When shall I learn?



we don’t really have the cute factor yet


It was overall a nice evening, even though once more, I can feel the harsh divide between the interests of 18 years-old and 21 years-old. I hope I don’t sound like an old grumpy and bitter person already, but it is hard to keep up with subjects in Japanese that aren’t really captivating. No deep conversation about anything, just really light and ‘meaningless’ talks (does anyone want to talk about France is handling terrorism right now? Or the Brexit? Or the American elections? I have a lot to say on that!!)


I do think I sound like a bitter person. I wish sometimes I could see Japan as I saw it the first time I arrived there. Now it feels like the novelty has faded and I am left with the harsh things to digest. It certainly doesn’t help that I have this migraine following me and difficult relations with the university. My hope is that when this will be sorted out, I will finally be able to relax and focus my mind and energy on enjoying my surroundings.

For now, I have some gulps of air within the sea of worries I put myself into. I need to reach safe grounds instead of just pulling my head out of the water for a while. May it be a boat, a raft or a shore, I’ll take anything.


10:30 p.m.


A knock on my door. « Some of my friends will come at 9 to meet you.’

I’m in the process of applying moisturizer on half on my face when I muffle a « what? »

« Yeah, my friends, I mean not really, we don’t really talk but, uh, they’re coming tomorrow at 9 to meet you. Is that too early? »

« I guess no. I’ll go to bed early then. »


« Great, see you tomorrow, good night! »




Wait, what? Who am I meeting at 9? Why? Do you know these people? Why at 9 on a Sunday morning?



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